I think she was trying to kill me.

Seriously. I haven't been in so much pain in a really, really long time.

This story begins almost 18 months ago. I'm going to make it short by saying that on our second anniversary trip, part of our package included a couples massage. It was such a great experience that I sought out additional massages and eventually bought a membership to a local place that gave me a 'free' massage each month and a reduced price on additional massages. I eventually found the most magical of massage therapists and he was amazing. He made me feel totally at ease and relaxed and I always came away feeling so much better and less stressed out. I think it was one of the saving graces that helped me through a paralyzing job situation and eventual transition.

Well, then I got started ttc and stopped working out and I was more body conscious and this and that and I didn't go so much. And then my guy changed his hours so that he was not working weekends any longer.

It's pretty much sucked since then. The thing is . . . I get really, really, really tense when someone is rubbing my shoulders, neck and back unless I'm already really relaxed. The old guy had a knack of getting me practically conked out and having a light touch so I could be massaged. These other folks give great massages until they hit that spot. No matter how I warn them or what I say at the time, they inevitably end up feeling the tenseness and pushing harder to get it out. It's like the worst kind of deep tissue massage, and it hurts to get and leaves me sore for days. I've tried new therapist after new therapist and it's not going well.

I wrote last week about a shitty day and one of the reasons was a screw up at the massage place that cost me 2 free massages. Apparently, they were scheduled with the person who had my massage yesterday. Now, since she got paid (as I was 'charged'), I doubt she was really angry (though I cost her a tip, I suppose). She was abrupt, but she was giving me a really great massage - best I'd had in a long time. And then . . . my back. Oh My God. My toes were curling with the pain/pressure. I tried to breathe deeply, but I couldn't concentrate.

Just awful.

But the worst part? I stiffened up pretty quickly last night. And when I went to bed, laying down was excruciating. I sobbed with the pain, but it hurt too badly to move. A massage shouldn't do that.

Right?

I think this was indeed the sign that I need to cancel my membership. That money (the monthly charge, and the massages, and tips) can be used towards the car payment, and that should be the priority right now.

BTW - after the night, it's still really sore, but manageable. I helped wash the car (looks lovely) but then I had to stop because it was hurting so badly. DH says he doesn't want me to keep going if I can't see my guy, because it's not worth it. I'm not coming home relaxed or happy, I'm coming home in pain. I told him I'd love for him to learn massage. . .