If I repeat it enough, maybe it'll help make better the fact that I am so far behind and so frazzled and so . . . gnnnghausghahghahhw that my inclination is to rock back and forth and hum tunelessly and stare sightlessly, only there is no time for nonsense like that. And what am I doing even writing this? God, my monthly deadlines are TODAY and I stayed for an extra 3 hours last night and got a bunch done, but I'm not finished and TODAY and shit and reports and I'm trying, dear God, I'm trying but I can't watch them every second when I work 25 hours per week in a separate office and when I'm not watching they DO things like buy food and other forbidden items and we have NO MONEY and why don't they GET that and now my financial coordinator is interviewing for new jobs and and and and . . .
Breathe.
The good thing about things being in such crisis mode is that there is no time for brooding. Silver lining somewhere, right? The usual day of batshit crazy emotional-ness was prolonged and made worse by the chemical pregnancy, but now I'm past that and hormones are cleared from my system and damn! what a difference that makes.
I can't say I'm thrilled with everything, but at least at some distance and without hormone-goggles, I can shrug it off a bit more easily. I can more easily say - hey, at least things are working again, after a good six months of 'not so much with the working' and that's a good thing. I can more easily say that I'm willing to try a bit longer, that we're not done yet.
At least I can as long as the marshmallow eggs are still available. Once those comforting squishy mounds of chocolatey-marshmallow goodness are gone, all bets are off.
And now, if I don't get back to it, I'm going to end up rocking in a corner despite my best efforts. At least it's Friday, right?
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