All done now.

Blood is drawn, but results will not be available before Monday. For a viable pregnancy, the least we would need to see is about 1200. At least, over 1000 - that would be within a standard for the time it was drawn (on the low end though) and a normal doubling rate of roughly 48 hours. My gut instinct is that it will be way lower, probably in the 400-500 range, if even that high at all. I am expecting to need an u/s to be certain there is no ectopic pregnancy.

I just have a very difficult time reconciling 7 days of red spotting/bleeding/light flow (with some tmi small clots/tissue - smaller than a normal period for me though) and the initially low beta with potentially viable pregnancy, you know?

I know there is still something inside me that is hopeful I'll get wildly wonderful numbers back and we'll immediately do an u/s where we will see a sac in the uterus and a flittering, beating heart and we'll find that progesterone is the issue and it will be fixed and lovely and in 8 months, I will have a squealing, shrill, beautiful bundle of joy in my arms.

But that most definitely has the tenor of fantasy about it, doesn't it?

I'd just be really happy to settle for not requiring surgery, honestly. It wouldn't surprise me at all if the level were even lower that what I mentioned above, closer to 100. I don't even know what that would mean.

I'm just ready for it to be done, one way or another. To resolve into a healthy pregnancy or to be gone and a new cycle started. I haven't even updated my chart in 2 weeks, because I truly have no idea what to put in there. I just wish for the New Year, that if this pregnancy is doomed (as I feel it is) that the next one comes soon and just in the way it should. A normal, healthy, happy, straightforward pregnancy that carries to term and delivers a healthy, gorgeous baby into my arms. Hell, I'll even take ugly. That's my hope for the New Year.