News of some variety.

Beta came back - 87.

So . . . definitely not viable, but definitely still pregnant. I didn't talk directly with the midwife, but she wants to do another draw in the next day or so. She didn't seem worried about an ectopic pregnancy with a level that low, which is somewhat relieving.

And related - spotting has nearly stopped.

So the hope is that the spotting was the pregnancy ending and hcg will be dropping rapidly now, and a new cycle will be starting. That is my hope anyway. Pregnancy tests from this morning are still clearly positive, but overall, I'm feeling more hopeful about things. I hesitate to call this pregnancy a miscarriage (I was even hesitant to call it a pregnancy, so calling it a miscarriage seems wrong), even if it technically was. Maybe part of that is hoping to avoid a label of repeat miscarriage. I'd rather just be unlucky.

Anyway, this has all sort of sucked, but there are good things coming out of it. I feel like I've learned some patience and am learning how to deal with things outside my control. I feel better about ttc again and a lot more hopeful generally. The last one is something I find ironically amusing. It's a go figure sort of moment for me, I think.

So there we are, that's what I know for now.