O-b-s-e-s-s-i-v-e

What's that spell?

Obsessive!

Who's obsessive?

ME!

I just spent an hour staring at my chart.

It's nice and all, but for real?

Also worth noting? I am the only person entering data. I can see why other people might occasionally refresh my chart and check it out or whatnot. But me? Dude, I can promise myself it hasn't changed since I last entered something. Does that stop me? Nope.

I asked a group of friends for an intervention. One of them responded that it may be naive, but she thinks I have to pregnant with all the boot knocking we did. The problem is while I logically know that's not true, emotionally, I feel like it should be. I know people who have gotten pregnant from a single act of intercourse days before ovulation. But I never believe that will work for me. In fact, I'm sort of mad about one of the two nights we took off, because it ended up being the night before ovulation. Never mind the SIX acts of sex prior to that (the other 5 are definitely in the labratory long-shot category), or the sex on the day of ovulation or the day after. Nope, I'm fixated on the day we missed.

Emotionally, I feel like we have more than paid our dues, and yet logically I know it doesn't really increase or decrease our odds. I know it'll happen if it's meant to or it won't happen. But it doesn't matter when the crazy side takes over. I can't turn it off. There is no off switch. It's just there and the panic, paranoia, fear, hope, agony, joy, anticipation and everything rush forward and there it is.

I hope it's soon. I don't know if it is. I can't control it. I can only hope and hope and I haven't been getting along lately.