More spotting.

Still not a lot, but now it's pink. There was some definite spotting last night that was peach.

So, it's not going away, and it's getting darker/closer to red.

Awesome.

Combined with the cramps (which seemed to have lessened since yesterday afternoon), this has me officially on the border of losing my shit.

I cannot think of any good reason to have spotting at this point in time. Maybe there is a perfectly legitimate reason. But this is how things started the end of things with Chickadee. So. . . sort of freaking out. Hard to stay calm and think everything is ok.

I'm going to call the mw this morning. I don't know what she'll suggest or want to do or not do. I know what I would prefer (an u/s), but I also am so scared to go in and not see anything. It's such a frustrating place to be right now.

Last night, I dreamt that I was having a miscarriage for 2 hours. Nonstop loops of cramping and bleeding. I finally got up and went to the bathroom, expecting lots of blood that wasn't there. I eventually accepted some water and Tylenol pm and slept well. Woke up feeling restored and optimistic until I saw the spotting. Felt depressed and again felt the crush of inevitability. And yet, felt more optimistic again when I got to work. Now, I'm just . . . here. Waiting.

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ETA: And now, there seems to be no spotting. Not even lightly tinged CM, that I can tell based on my last 2 trips to the bathroom. I did call, sounded like a blathering moron, and we'll see what she suggests. Annoying. I want it to be gone, so that's good, but I don't like the feeling it gives me that I may be crazy.

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Further update. As of this afternoon, still no real spotting. CM may be a little tannish, but not overtly so. Cramping has been mild and nowhere near as crampy as the last couple of days. I haven't heard back from the mw, though I expect to tonight or tomorrow morning. I intend to take it easy and keep my feet up and rest. I hope everything is well in there. I feel a bit more hopeful, but it battles constantly with fear.