That time again - or - I did it.

I finally reopened my Weight Watchers (herein referred to as WW) account. This is a big first step back in the right direction for me. I finally decided that losing 20 pounds before my next possible bfp was more important than confirming all the worst opinions of that asshole doctor about fat people.

Now, granted, eating isn't my biggest obstacle. In fact, I don't lose weight unless I am regularly exercising. So getting to the gym is going to be the bigger step, and I will take that later this week. But a guideline for getting eating back on a tight leash and making healthy eating second nature once again is necessary. WW worked pretty well last year and so I need to go back again. A strict diet doesn't work. Learning to indulge in sometimes foods (thanks new lame Cookie Monster) and getting down to appropriate portion sizes and doing the other things WW forces me to do (track my eating honestly, meal plan in advance and keep up with nutritious, balanced eating all day, every day) - well, that helped me a lot last year. It won't lose the weight for me, but it will make my gym time more profitable and will make me feel much better on a daily basis, both about myself and my body.

I found that after a couple of months last year, I could name the point values in much of my food and I could easily see what I needed to add or subtract. I expect that will be the same this year. I've already remembered that I have to drink a lot more water in the morning (before my latte!) and it will be entertaining to see how this increase in water intake affects my opks when I get there again . . .

But working out really is the main thing I need to do. DH wants to start hitting the gym again regularly - ie, at least 3 times a week. I think that's good if we actually do it. I'm also contemplating buying a membership here at work - they now will give us up to 3 hours per week of work release time to use the company gym if you have a membership. I would think that between 3 hours here and 3 hours there (though it's really more like half an hour at most right now, and will never much more at work, since I'd have to shower and get back to work again on time), if I also add in a 15-20 yoga practice a couple of times a week, I will quickly get back to being a much healthier person.

I know, I know how much better I feel overall and how well I sleep when I do these things (even if it's just 3x a week total at a gym). And I think they will serve me well beyond losing weight - I think they will help me to ensure a healthy pregnancy if I ever get there again, and that will give me the homebirth I want. I am a fan, in other words. But I am also lazy as can be. This is hard work. It's hard to make a habit in the first place and it's easy to get derailed. That happened last year, and I can't guarantee it won't happen again this time when we get active in trying to conceive again.

But I have to try - there are too many reasons not to do it and give it an effort. I've been procrastinating because of not wanting to give that effort - but I'm running out of excuses. So . . . here I go again. I am dreading it. I'm not happy about it, I'm not looking forward to it, and so far, I'm not enjoying it. But I am doing it and that is the key thing, right?

I hope so.

My goal? Lose 20 pounds (or be under 300 lbs) by the time I could expect to/hope to see another bfp. That gives me maybe 6-8 weeks. I can do it if I try hard.