More beta talk and a note about morning sickness

First - the beta.

I was so relieved and over the moon last night I didn't talk more in depth about what this number means. So let me do that now, while I am a bit more calm.

It's a really good thing. Let me say that unequivocally and upfront. Because I may be a little negative in a moment, but this beta is a good thing and has made me feel a hundred times better about this pregnancy.

The doubling rate 37.3 hours. A normal doubling rate is 48-72 hours. Being above that is fine in most cases. Too high could be an issue, but this is not too high. It's fast, but the numbers themselves are in the normal range. This is terrific news.

This also means that the chance that this is ectopic dropped significantly. Mind you, I'd felt pretty good between the early positive, the darkening hpt's, and the uterine cramping I'd been feeling. But only a small number of ectopic pregnancies experience a normal rising pattern. It's not wholly off the table, but it's small odds now. That is terrific news.

However, betas can only tell you so much. What it tells us is that things are progessing well to date. While having a beta in a certain range gives you good odds of continuing a pregnancy, this doesn't guarantee me that I will go in and see a h/b on an ultrasound or hold a baby in my arms in January.

The initial beta with Chickadee looked great too. It was drawn right around the time Chickadee stopped developing. In fact, that happened over the next fews days in that pregnancy. My body continued producing hcg for weeks after. I'm very scared of that happening again. We won't know until we have the u/s how things will go. Even then, it's not a guarantee.

So while I feel optimistic about this pregnancy for the first time - and in fact, said to both my husband and mother that I felt for the first time like we might go in for the u/s and might see a h/b - it's still a very tempered, very cautious optimism. This is one milestone passed - but a big one is looming. I am far more relaxed and happy now, but I am not basking in the euphoria of knowing all is well. I hope I will be in a few weeks, but for now, still uncertain and nervous - just less so.

And that brings us on to topic 2 - Morning sickness.

I have thrown up more times in the 9 days of this pregnancy than I have in the last three pregnancies combined.

Throwing up is something I despise and avoid at all costs. I hate it - it's my nightmare illness. Give me broken bones, aches and pains, nearly anything but a vomit-related ailment. So this is miserable anyway.

Last night though - dear God in heaven. It was bad. After a day of nervous nausea and little food, I was ready to eat. So I did. It was ok. I was queasy most of the night, but totally manageable. But then. Then. I was constipated. So I drank Kal's Shit Cocktail, which generally works everytime.

Lord was it tough to drink. And it made me very queasy. But it worked! And then I went to bed.

And was awoken by sharp cramping (turned out it was intestinal) and waves of nausea and heartburn. Went to the bathroom and didn't vomit for 10 minutes, so I went back to bed and took 2 Tums. Half an hour later, I was dealing with the aftermath of antacid and acid in my throat and a raging headache. I moaned pitifully until DH woke up and got me Tylenol and water, which took care of the headache. I then slept on my stomach, which helped with the heartburn.

Woke up at the normal time and was very queasy because of that awful aftertaste of chalk and acid in my throat. I knew brushing my teeth would be a challenge. And in fact, I started gagging immediately, and retching and finally full on vomiting, which was a feat of some excellence, considering my body had to extract stuff from my intestines to throw up.

This went on for 20 minutes of hellish retching, heaving, crying, gagging and shakiness. But at least the awful aftertaste was gone.

I will welcome every single moment of vomiting if it means a healthy babe in my arms. But having been really sick before and losing the baby, I'm not sure it means that. I don't want to complain when we've been blessed and are lucky, but it's hard to tolerate this without knowing the outcome. I keep trying to tell myself it's positive, but . . . man, there is little that is worse to me in the world than vomiting.

And I've been queasy all day. I needed protein, so I settled for Taco Bell (options were severely limited). I got a bean burrito (as yet uneaten) and 2 chicken soft tacos, plain. The first was heavenly and I wolfed it down. The second may have been a mistake, but at least I'm less nauseated than I was. For now.