Thursday, September 9, 2010

I'm not happy right now.

I started typing it all out and without going into specifics, it makes little sense is only whinging.

But I just want to cry. I want to, and I'm too tired to do so. Work is simply miserable right now. Just when I felt like I was getting a balance and starting to build trust, the entire plan has changed again and I'm not happy with the direction of the changes. It's just depressing.

I feel depressed. Tired, tired, tired. Uninterested in anything. Defeated.

I'm tired of being unhappy and overworked and maybe the newest changes will help that, but it will be at the expense of career development and potential advancement and I just want to cry about it all. What my job is becoming is not at all what I want to do. And I'm so very, very tired of being told to be grateful I have a job.

I am. Really. We'd be in a lot more trouble if that were not the case. But the gratitude doesn't erase the fact that this is not the job I signed up for and I don't particularly want to do it.

I just . . . fuck. I'm not happy. And I don't really see a way towards becoming happy. Only stress and drudgery and unhappiness.

1 comment:

Veronica said...

Came over via sweet salty, because I read your comment and just, oh, I think I'm there too. I'm not happy right now and I'm sucking as a mother and everything is broken and just, fuck.

One foot and then another, right?