So I went to the new doctor today for my 6 week post-partum visit.
It went surprisingly well. I'm feeling quite tired so I won't write it all up right this moment (which is good because I spelled three words incorrectly in this sentence - twice).
Suffice it to say that I feel very comfortable with this doctor. While she is not someone I would have chosen before, she seems to meet the level of care I need now and has offered a plan that is very reasonable to me.
I have a starter pack of an anti-depressant and a prescription for more and orders to find a psychologist or psychiatrist before our next appointment to continue the anti-depressants. She believes strongly that therapy is important to coping with depression, particularly in a case like mine, but also that I need more help than just therapy. I wasn't totally ready for that, but I'll do it as a condition to continue the anti-depressants, because getting control of the depression is a pre-requisite for trying to conceive again. And I know, I know, I know, that therapy is probably going to be necessary to cope with the anxiety of another pregnancy. Possibly continuing on anti-anxiety or anti-depressants as well, though both the doc and I prefer to be weaned off first.
Otherwise, she believes Gabriel's birth was brought about by a placental abruption. That there is not much chance of it recurring, that the three losses of the last year are not related - just a string of unbelievably bad luck. I can start trying to conceive in a couple of months, provided the depression is under control. I am so relieved that she did not make my weight an issue, just encouraged me to be healthy as possible. We are planning to schedule the saline infusion test whose actual name escapes me for Dec/Jan to make certain there is nothing in my uterus (scar tissue, septum, fibroid, etc) that could cause or contribute to placental malformation. The encouragement she gave and the treatment plan she's laid out are reassuring. She believes we will have a baby and wants to help us make that happen.
So. Yes. That is done and out of the way, and God, am I relieved. A cloud off the horizon, a doctor I can work with, at least for now, and some hope that I won't feel like this forever and that trying to conceive again is not necessarily a doomed prospect. I can't replace Gabriel and I can't have him back, but we may yet get to be parents to a living, breathing child, and that hope could not have come at a better time.