Well then.

So I definitely did not ovulate on cd16. Or cd17 (which was my personal pick). Boo!

And having gotten no positive opk's after yesterday (anyone notice that if you say it phonetically that it's sort of what it is? Oh-Peaks. Like ovulation peak. Like . . . oh, nevermind. I'm kind of a dork.), I was thinking that things were indeed lining up for an April 18 ovulation.

And I cannot tell you the myriad of ways in which that was making me totally nervous.

I've been having a good feeling about this cycle, despite waves upon waves of anxiety, but I really, really, really didn't want to ovulate on the same day. It would just be too weird for me.

But I noticed that the ovulatory pain increased yesterday - especially on the right side. And that by evening, my cervix seemed to be moving downwards and closing up. And that the cm that had started as fertile/ew was more creamy than anything.

And then this morning, my temp jumped a whopping .6 degrees, and well over my previous high temps for this cycle. So I'm feeling pretty good about the chances that ovulation has occurred. Good enough to stop drinking green tea and begin eating pineapple core, anyway.

I feel like we gave it our best shot, and I feel pretty good about our chances. . . so now the waiting begins. You know, if my temp doesn't plummet by .7 degrees tomorrow . . .

* * * * *

In other areas of life, I have been busy at work and things aren't great. Not for me personally, just the situation. Without getting too detailed and trying to stick my promise to myself to not lay out too much about work here, there are budget cuts happening. And there will be RIFs. A lot of RIFs - more than we initially expected. Everyone is on edge about this. No one feels particularly secure. I think I'm ok - well, for a lot of reasons. While there is a lot of my job that a part-timer could do, there is a big, important chunk that requires someone full-time and at my level (meaning my job is unlikely to be downgraded to an office coordinator or something), because I certify expenses. But . . . that is no guarantee. At all. And regardless of how safe I am, people are going to lose their jobs. I've been told it's highly likely that at least one person in my office will lose their job, and that people in our unit will lose their jobs. And that sucks. A lot. I hate it. I'm glad I don't have to make that decision and am unlikely to have to sit in on those meetings. But even knowing it . . . is awful.

And to make that all better? My prescription for my anti-depressent ran out this week.

Like a good patient, I called the doctor's office. I was referred to the pharmacy line, where I was told to leave my identifying information, the number for the pharmacy and the medication I was requesting and they would return my call within 24 hours. I did this.

I did not receive a call back. But as I called last Friday, I though ok. Weekend. No biggie. I've got some pills left. So I called the pharmacy Monday to see if they'd received the prescription, as the last time this happened, it was called in and no one informed me. Nope. So I call and leave another message.

That is not returned either. I'm a little concerned because I wasn't sure if I needed to see the doctor to discuss the dosage or anything else. And no one is returning my calls. And the pharmacy doesn't have the order. And I'm running out of pills, and not only do I not have enough to wean properly, I am nowhere near ready to wean. OMG.

I get more and more anxious as the week progresses. I cried at one point. I left another message, which is likewise not returned. I had a good friend offer to send me her leftover prescription so I wouldn't be stuck without. I cannot believe that that office has not returned my calls pleading for someone to call me.

So finally, I call and try the nurse's line - same thing. A message. So I call again, and wait on hold for 20 minutes to get to the secretary or whoever. When the phone is finally answered, I explain it all in a tearful voice: I've left messages, I'm nearly out, I can't stop it yet, I'm feeling desperate, I don't know what the hold up is, and please please please call in the script for me.

And she says she will. She goes on to say that she was just covering the phones for Dr. B's staff (she works for another Dr in the practice), and next time I should just have the pharmacy fax a request because it's quicker.

I was joyful and completely, utterly livid, all at once. Because, really? Good to know I can just have the pharmacist ask. Good to know that following their directions to request a continuation of the meds doesn't work at all. Good to know the doc doesn't need to speak with me at all regarding this.

Maybe I should ask the pharmacy to request some valium. After that mess, I feel like I could use it.