Sunday, July 11, 2010

Out of options

Well, despite a lovely sort of temp jump this morning, the laughingly negative hpt and the early stages of cramping lead me to believe my period will begin as expected. Which is mildly disappointing, but otherwise ok.

I guess it's time once again to admit that I need to lose weight. And I need to be much more serious about it than I have been in the past year or so. For my health, for our chances of conception, for an easier pregnancy . . .

It's just that I'm lazy. I don't like exertion. I don't like change, and I know first hand just how much it is going to suck until it's become habit to exercise again. I don't want to go through it. It's hard, and embarrassing and demoralizing. I don't like the pitying and disgusting looks I get when I go to the gym. I don't like the trainers trying to sell me on their services. I don't like sounding like a cow about to die because my cardio health is so bad. I don't like sweating and I don't like the slow progress that is weight loss. I don't like the guilt that trying to lose weight seriously brings or the hunger or the cravings, at least until I'm over them.

It's so much easier to stay hidden inside this body and this fat. So much more comfortable.

But I don't think it's going to help. And I think it's what I need to do.

I just don't want to. And that mental block makes it all so much more difficult.

3 comments:

Stacy112699 said...

I am in the same boat with weight loss. I know I need too and I want too, well I think I want to. I just don't want to exercise. I don't have the time or the energy. I need to get serious as it is starting to affect my health. Good Luck to you!

mtendere said...

My mom, who lost about 100 pounds, said that she had to see results before she could get motivated to exercise. A change in diet got her started and then when she hit a plateau, she was more motivated to step it up and get moving. I just started Weight Watchers a month ago. I've needed to do something for a long time. The exercise component is still seriously lacking, though, so I have no great words of inspiration. Good luck with whatever route you choose. I'll be rooting for ya!

Love the new design, by the way.

FishFun said...

I have read your blog for a while now, but I don't think I have ever commented. Here is a qucik recap of my story...tried for 2.5 years to get pregnant, I lost 50 lbs and got pregnant. Our IF was/is unexplained but I really do associate it with the weight loss.

My biggest tip is to join a group or be under doctors care when you start your weight loss. What kept me going was knowing that I had to weigh in every week and that cheating, even for one day, would show up on that scale and I would have to answer for that gain. I did my weight loss through a combo of exercise and diet change (no carbs, no sugar for a while). Huge change, but it was so worth it. Good luck, you can do it. The first few weeks at the gym I was a sweaty disgusting mess but by the end I know there were people that noticed the very visible change. SO, so worth it!!!