Here is the update -

Beta is 25.

The median reported at 11 dpo (when blood was drawn) is 23.

So I'm right on target at this point, according to betabase.info.

Of course, the initial number isn't the concern, doubling normally is. I have an appointment for Monday already in place. I didn't speak with my mw - I spoke with another affiliated with the center as my mw was out of the office at a homecheck. So she didn't know my history and said it was pretty low and that we'd need to repeat within 2-4 days. I told her that MW and I had spoken previously about giving it plenty of time to develop, and I had an appointment for Monday.

I feel pretty good about this right now. I know it's low, but it's on track, and I feel like it will continue on track. I hope so, anyway.

Still majorly vomit-y and nauseated. Boobs are not as sore as a couple of days ago, but still achey and sore (and um, holy nipples, Batman!). Get very sleepy/tired very easily. Still crampy, but not badly so. Still have lots and lots of wet creamy white cm and NO signs of spotting. I should have started my period today or tomorrow and definitely should have had some spotting by now. Cervix is low, soft and closed (normally low, firm and closed).

So I feel pretty good right now. Let's cross our fingers for doubling!

And I have a beta draw today.

I thought I should wait, but then I didn't because I'm panicky like that.

So I called the mw and she said to come on in today, no need to wait.

And she also said it was so odd I called today, because she was just thinking of me this very morning, wondering when she would hear from me again. Very interesting coincidence.

We're hoping third time is a charm.

I'm looking for the initial beta to be very, very low (as it is 11 dpo) and hoping for a nice rise on Friday. That's the benefit of having it drawn today, I can have some idea by Friday other than peeing on sticks.

So cross your fingers for a) decent number and b) no blown vein this time.

{edited to add, decent number would be over 20. The median from betabase.info for 11 dpo is 23. The medium range seems to be 10-55. just for context}

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Back.

I like my midwife. She was terribly amused by how early I came in, but said she didn't mind at all, there was no need to wait.

She didn't blow the vein, but she did give me a bad bruise again. Ouchie.

We agreed we'd draw again on Monday to make sure that there was plenty of time for doubling, since we anticipate a low initial number, and so we don't waste our time if it happened to be a chemical pregnancy, though she said with me having symptoms, she was very optimistic.

However, retching into the sink is not a normal PMS symptom.

Seriously.

Just vomited into my sink while I was brushing my teeth. Well, if you call it vomiting when there is nothing in your stomach.

I'm a freak, things are likely fine.

That was seriously nasty though.

And whoever said that it was better to throw up - you'll feel better? LIAR. LYING LIAR WHO LIED to me. Because I'm still queasy and icky and now my stomach hurts. And I don't want to brush my teeth anymore.

Vomiting is not normal for me barring intestinal flu (don't have) and food poisoning (don't think I have it).

And feeling less optimistic today.

Yeah, telling people this early was a bad idea.

I knew it.

Temp dropped some today. Not abnormal - exactly like Chickadee, actually. But there has been a huge increase in cm and my boobs are not really sore this morning. All of that seems like my period is coming.

And the tests are all lighter than last night. I mean, they are all still positive - including the digital - but . . . where I could take pictures last night, I can't really this morning. I know, I know. Faintness or darkness of lines doesn't really mean anything, especially from different boxes, etc. etc.

Doesn't matter. I'm pretty much scared witless. I'm going to feel really stupid if I get my period tomorrow or Friday. I knew I shouldn't have taken my temperature - it's still quite high (in the triphasic range). And I am still very nauseated. But . . . yeah.

Overwhelmed

Thank you all for the outpouring of congratulations, well-wishes, prayers, kindness, enthusiasm and understanding.

I really am not trying to hide the pregnancy anywhere - it's in my chart, it's here, there are tickers floating about. I just don't want to make a big deal out of it yet outside of here. It's still only 10 dpo, after all, and my missed period is still a couple of days away. Given past history, I am leery of putting a lot out there and making a fuss, lest it end poorly. But I knew I couldn't possibly keep it quiet here, as I expect a lot of ups and downs in the next few days/weeks as we start the whirlwind of testing to see if this might finally be our healthy, sticking, growing baby.

So far I am encouraged by the lack of signs that my period is coming and the persistent nausea and sore boobs and gas and fatigue. I am proceeding with cautious optimism, and feeling good that in 8-14 hours I've gone from faint lines to clear positives. I'll give you an exceedingly blurry pictorial in a moment. I will probably take more tests over the next few days, but it seems clear that hcg is on the rise. My cramps are very similar to my first pregnancy, which is something of a relief.

Vital statistics:
-EDD is 01-09-10 (at the moment)
-I will call on Friday when I have officially missed a period and ask my mw to schedule the beta series. I currently anticipate beta draws on Monday and Wednesday and possibly Friday. It is possible she will draw on Friday afternoon though. I'll certainly keep everyone updated. I generally receive the results the day following the draw.
-If all goes well with the betas (and really, also if it doesn't), I anticipate an u/s between 6 and 7 weeks. It's possible I will have 2 - one as soon as hcg is over 1500 to verify intrauterine pregnancy and one after 6/7 weeks to look for a heartbeat. I would prefer one late enough to see a heartbeat, but am already nervous either way.
-I will make more public declarations/updates as things look better.
-DH is thrilled and has kept me happy and laughing, even when I'm flapping around like a crazed chicken. If I can remember half the nonsense he's spouted, I'll report it.

And some pics, very very blurry pics because my camera is seriously old, but enjoy:

Frankly, the fact that I got the test in advance of a period, and that they are getting darker so quickly already puts us way ahead of where we started the last one, so I'm feeling good.

Can you keep a secret?

I won't tell you if you can't.

And I'm very serious. I want to talk about this here, but I don't want to talk about it everywhere.

If you can't keep it quiet, then don't read further and maybe don't check back for a couple of weeks.

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I got a positive test last night.

I'll give you a moment to squeal, gasp, cheer, or nod sagely.

Back with me again? Great!

It was a Target brand. It was a blue line, very faint, but there. I stared at it for hours. Of course, this was necessitated by the fact that that the other two tests were negative. Hrm. And of course, blue due tests can be less reliable.

I was cautiously optimistic, and hoped that it would be positive all around this morning. I had determined not to take my temp this morning, because I was concerned about a drop and a freakout.

Then came the storm. Massive storm that sat on top of us for about 3 hours. It woke us up with a bolt of lightning and clap of thunder that rattled the windows about 4 am. I couldn't really get back to sleep - the continuing storm, the anticipation, the nerves, I don't know. I dozed, but I gave in about 4:45 and took my temp. It was 97.9 - which adjusts to 98.07. I finally got up and peed in a cup and returned to bed and dozed until normal temp time of 5:30. I then temped again and it was 98.1. Granted, I'd gotten up and moved around, but it was in line with the other temps, so I recorded it as 98.1.

Finally came downstairs (hoping to find work was closed - alas no such luck), and brought my trusty cup of pee in hand. Took the FRER and waited with held breath and . . . there was a shadow of a line, but not pink and not really there without twisting and turning. Humph. Took a digital, knowing the outcome. And sure enough - Not Pregnant. The internet cheapie had what I thought was a faint line, but I wasn't sure.

Boooooo.

Watched the rain and news coverage, realized we are pretty much flooded in. Our immediate area is ok, but our alternate route to work is blocked by flooding and the main route has high water on the highway and the traffic is backed up and the drive time is over an hour to get about halfway there. And there is no way around it. So we sat and waited (this has caused drama and anger with DH's boss, but whatever). BTW, Dh agreed the Target test was a positive and agreed he saw the line on the cheapie.

Eventually I went to shower and decided that since it had been 4 hours since the last test, I'd give it another go before we left. So I did and this time - faint but pink line on FRER. It's super faint, but it's definitely there. And a clear light pink line on the cheapie.

I expect a digital to tell me good things tonight or tomorrow morning.

I think I'm knocked up, y'all. I'm sort of in shock and actually pretty happy about things. Though definitely scared and afraid of what will happen next. I am asking everyone to keep it to themselves. I'm not hiding it - obviously, or I wouldn't post it on a public blog that is linked to public places - but I am not ready to come out about it. Until we see an u/s with a heartbeat, I intend to be pretty low key. I ask everyone to respect that, and appreciate any good thoughts for a healthy, sticking, growing baby.

This is wild. I am all kinds of crampy, but my nausea is ever present and my boobs are terribly sore. I love it.

Bated breath.

I feel like I am walking around as a giant ball of tension.

Tense going to bed last night.

Tense when the alarm went off this morning.

Wildly beating heart, fast breathing, just saying over and over "Please be high, please be high, please be high, please be high."

97.7 - a .3 drop from yesterday's lovely 98.0, but still pretty high, all things considered. The question now is whether or not it will drop tomorrow or recover to a higher temp. Oddly, this cycles temps are closely mirroring Chickadee cycle's temps. Same on 5 and 6 dpo, then .1 higher every day since. Crazy. If the pattern holds, it goes back up tomorrow.

This is why I don't like to continue temping post-confirmed-O. I get really obsessive. A .3 drop is not much at all, and in fact, if tomorrow's temp is as high or higher, the chart is officially triphasic. But I was still disappointed and a little sad. But temps will fluctuate from day to day. Individual temps on their own don't mean much.

I think the uncertainty of my lp is getting to me as well. Normally it's 12 days. I can count on one hand the number of times it has been more or less (excluding pregnancy). Normally, lp doesn't vary by more than a day in a particular woman. However, last cycle was abnormally short at just 9 days. So if that continues, my period could be here tomorrow. Other than some very minor cramping, there are no real signs of a period and my boobs are still sore and I'm still nauseated and all that jazz. But it could be here any time this week. So I sort of feel like I'm racing myself to get a positive test first - even though that is ridiculous because either an embryo implants or it doesn't.

I just feel so nervous and it is making me unhappy, but it's hard not to focus on it. I am trying. I read a new book yesterday and resume knitting on the baby blanket I started for Chickadee. Washed the car, cleaned a bit, researched life insurance policies. But I keep coming back to it.

I am so tired of this nonsense.