Friday, May 7, 2010

Fuck Today

So I had what I thought was a positive test.

But apparently not after all.

Today my temp dropped and I'm spotting. My period is due tomorrow. It seems pretty clear to me what the answer is.

I am so unhappy right now.

And to make it all worse, Mother's Day is this weekend. I can't get away from the fucking ads. The morning show on the radio station was all women calling in to say what they want.

I just want my baby back, alive and whole in my arms. And I can never ever have that.

And I'm not cautiously hoping for the next child. I'm facing this whole fucking nonsense all over again. I just want to crawl into bed and sob until I fall asleep. I feel so broken.

9 comments:

MK said...

I'm so sorry. It's not fair and it's not right. Sending you big hugs.

Alyssa said...

Ugh, I am so sorry.

queenrandom said...

I'm sorry hon. Hugs & hugs.

Stephanie Snowe said...

Oh honey. Words aren't even good enough right now.

I love you. I'm so sorry. I would give anything in this world to make this shit go away.

Mrs.Joe said...

I work in a call center and some asshole wished me a Happy Mother's day when he got off the phone. Who does that??? I'm sorry that this cycle is over for you - praying that there are not many left until you see a positive.

Catherine W said...

Eliza, I'm so, so sorry sweetheart.

Wish I could magic you over to the UK so that (a) I could meet you and (b) you could hide out here until Mother's Day is over. xo

Allison (Ali) said...

hugs - i'm sorry. it's not fair for you

Malory said...

So sorry! This can all seem so unfair & cruel at times. I can't say anything to make you feel better. Wishing you tons of luck on this journey.

MSC from GP said...

From one DBM to another... ((HUGS))

I'm so sorry--for everything that's happened and the pain you continue to feel.