On cd 24, I finally, finally get a change on my monitor and get a High! Of course, I had to go buy more opk's for back-up, but what the hell? I haven't been using them everyday, just in the last couple of days.
The opk was dark, but not positive, so it seems like the monitor is right on. I expect I'll get a firm positive/peak tomorrow then. It's late, but I stopped caring about that. It'll happen or it won't. Because I recognize my utter lack of control here.
I think deciding to pursue treatment in August/September and not really thinking I'll be pregnant by then has been somewhat liberating. I feel a little broken, a little busted. But more free. Relieved, maybe?
Doesn't mean we are quitting, on the contrary - we're still very actively continuing. I just think I feel beaten down by the continual ups and downs that has been trying to conceive again.
But for now, it's go with the flow. Who knows where it leads?