Sunday, May 30, 2010

Well then

On cd 24, I finally, finally get a change on my monitor and get a High! Of course, I had to go buy more opk's for back-up, but what the hell? I haven't been using them everyday, just in the last couple of days.

The opk was dark, but not positive, so it seems like the monitor is right on. I expect I'll get a firm positive/peak tomorrow then. It's late, but I stopped caring about that. It'll happen or it won't. Because I recognize my utter lack of control here.

I think deciding to pursue treatment in August/September and not really thinking I'll be pregnant by then has been somewhat liberating. I feel a little broken, a little busted. But more free. Relieved, maybe?

Doesn't mean we are quitting, on the contrary - we're still very actively continuing. I just think I feel beaten down by the continual ups and downs that has been trying to conceive again.

But for now, it's go with the flow. Who knows where it leads?

2 comments:

Alyssa said...

Cool about the opks matching with the monitor. Are you going to put the opks on your chart?

Diana said...

I can't even imagine the emotional rollercoaster you must be on every month. What a strong woman you are. Your children are, and will be, so lucky to have a mother that fought for them like you have.