Sunday, May 30, 2010

Well then

On cd 24, I finally, finally get a change on my monitor and get a High! Of course, I had to go buy more opk's for back-up, but what the hell? I haven't been using them everyday, just in the last couple of days.

The opk was dark, but not positive, so it seems like the monitor is right on. I expect I'll get a firm positive/peak tomorrow then. It's late, but I stopped caring about that. It'll happen or it won't. Because I recognize my utter lack of control here.

I think deciding to pursue treatment in August/September and not really thinking I'll be pregnant by then has been somewhat liberating. I feel a little broken, a little busted. But more free. Relieved, maybe?

Doesn't mean we are quitting, on the contrary - we're still very actively continuing. I just think I feel beaten down by the continual ups and downs that has been trying to conceive again.

But for now, it's go with the flow. Who knows where it leads?


Alyssa said...

Cool about the opks matching with the monitor. Are you going to put the opks on your chart?

Diana said...

I can't even imagine the emotional rollercoaster you must be on every month. What a strong woman you are. Your children are, and will be, so lucky to have a mother that fought for them like you have.