Thursday, August 7, 2008

Feeling down and depressed and headachey.

I went to bed too late last night (again).

I'm sure that is a contributing factor. Dh was in a mood last night, mostly he was tired. I was very, very fertile - cervix was too high to reach, I was swimming in slippery, eggwhite fluid (I know that was the image you were seeking). We should have had sex last night, but I was tired, he was exhausted. It wouldn't have gone well, and according to the pattern it should have been an off night anyway. So I let it go.

Temp down this morning. So, as I expected b/c of the fertile signs, no ovulation yesterday (and now my cycle is officially delayed). But this morning. . . cervix is much lower. Still high-ish, but not like yesterday. Opening is medium, as is texture. There is still slippery fluid, but far less of it and the consistency is different. Now, I'll try not to worry over that until later (after I've had the opportunity to hydrate), but I just don't have a good feeling about all of this. I am not expecting to see a temp spike tomorrow. I've had fertile quality fluid for almost TWO WEEKS now. This can't be normal! Granted, I'm checking internally, and if I go back to externally, it would read differently. That's what I think I need to do, really. Maybe I'm just reading too much into it - but I don't mark eggwhite if I don't see eggwhite, you know?

I'm getting so tired of the ups and downs involved in this process. I'm trying to take it easy, because I'm so stressed out about other things, but it doesn't seem to matter. I'm at a point where I don't care if pregnancy happens, I just want to ovulate. Granted as soon as I do, I'll start freaking out about possible pregnancy, but right now. I'm so over this.

I don't even know what I'll do in a few more months. Take a break I guess, if I'm still feeling like this. I expect being exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed at work is contributing to this. I really just want to crawl into bed and collapse and wake up pregnant. Hey, I can dream, I guess.

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