Wednesday, December 9, 2009

You know, sometimes therapy makes me feel good.

So I had another appointment today with Dr. K. I've seen her four? times now, and will see her again next week. I think I like her. She can be a little kooky, but you know what? I really appreciate the global view she takes of things and I really, really appreciate the way she took the time to write a very nice letter to Dr. B (with my permission) stating that I am, indeed, seeing her as Dr. B requested and am, in fact, working within a framework strategy and then outlining the framework and strategies and inviting Dr. B to call her with any questions, concerns or comments.

I really do appreciate that.

Anyway, we've spent some time talking about my relationship with DH and about co-dependency. Which makes it sound like Dh and I are co-dependent, which is not the case. Dr. K feels we both have a tendency or pre-disposition towards co-dependency, but that is because she believes that DH's family is (and that mine perhaps was) co-dependent.

And you know what? It makes a lot of sense.

Anyway, I have no intention to rehash my last two sessions here, nor do I have a wish to go back over the past couple of weeks and share some things I didn't want to talk about here (but did want to talk about there) to give you a full story.

What I wanted to do in this post was nothing more or less than preen a bit. On two topics. One, is related to the above - the co-dependency thing. So Dr. K thinks both Dh and I tend towards that as the primary model we were exposed to. But she also thinks that we have managed to break away from a lot of those patterns and establish a pretty healthy relationship for ourselves. She does not think we are co-dependent and today she praised our relationship and how supportive we are of each other and how well we work 'in-step together'.

And you know what? That feels really good. Really validating. We are by no means perfect, and we definitely have flaws, but we really have managed to piece together a pretty solid foundation and have learned how to change some of our attitudes since we've lived together. And having that recognized and praised? That honestly makes me feel good, because it's something that is instinctive, but requires work and, well, love (as in the verb). I'm proud of us and how well we've been doing as a team.

Thing two? Also related to pride and less related to therapy but fully related to DH.

He has decided to return to school to complete his BA. I could not be happier or more proud of him. I guess what I should clarify is that he not only made the decision but has taken steps to make it happen and get registered for classes and get the funding in place.

And he's facing some really, really big fears in doing this. It takes a lot of balls to go back to school at any age, but especially to do so when it is directly tied into some serious issues in your past and some big fears.

I am so proud of him. I've never cared whether or not he finished his degree (but will admit to a fleeting thought of 'it'd be nice' or 'if you really want a better job, you may need to just suck it up and do this'); his happiness has always been the bigger issue - if he wants to do it, because it will make him happy to do it, awesome. If he didn't want to because he'd be happier, awesome. If he wanted to do it, but only out of obligation to someone else, not awesome.

But he really wants to do it and has made this decision himself and is doing it. I could just burst when I look at him, because I am so filled with pride, admiration and love.

My husband is totally awesome, y'all. I am just about the luckiest wife out there. Even though he leaves the seat up and could live in utter filth without noticing and likes green peppers. And I hate green peppers with a passion. Even then, still lucky.


Ummi said...

I read your comment on Glow in the Woods (Holidays)and I felt that someone was telling my story.

It sounds like you have a beautiful relationship with your hubby.

Just wanted to stop by...

shotzie said...

I'm glad things are going well with your therapist and that's awesome your DH is going to finish his degree!

I'm with your DH on the green pepper issue...they're yummy! :)