Friday, June 13, 2008

Begin Cycle 2

So, my period came today. Which was a relief. Because I was starting to freak out. Really bad cramps, bad mood, bad PMS and no spotting (and a bazillion negative pregnancy tests) and being 13 days past ovulation had me getting worked up. I've never ever gone more than 12 dpo (and for that matter, never less either. I like consistency, thanks).

The first cycle ttc was weird. I was hypervigilant, and I had to learn some new things that just didn't matter for the nearly 6 years of charting to avoid conception. I either didn't have sex during peak fertility times or we used lots of condoms. So sperm masking eggwhite fluid was never an issue. I felt like a total newb. And I was anxious. I noticed things I've never noticed before, and it was disconcerting. Who knew I get dog nose to the extreme during the luteal phase? Not me!

I took probably 12 pregnancy tests. I recorded every twinge, looking for patterns. I analyzed our timing over and over. It was really good (if severe, crippling ovulatory pain is to be believed, I ovulated about an hour after our last round of sex). All to no avail.

Not pregnant.

Hence, moving on to cycle 2. DH was worried that I would be really depressed, and unhappy, and convinced there was something wrong. He didn't want it to ruin our vacation. I am annoyed, and a little disappointed, but that's it. I'm kind of looking forward to this cycle, hoping it will be less stressful now that I'm in the swing of new things.

I hope things work soon, of course. I would like very much to be pregnant - of course, that is the point, right? But I feel sort of peaceful. We still have goals to reach, and I still want to lose weight and now I can work on those things. We have at least another month to ourselves, and that's not a bad thing.

(but, um, a March baby would be lovely!)

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