I feel like a leaky faucet. I am dripping with eggwhite cm.
Mmm, betcha loved that piece of intimately overhsharing information!
But seriously. It's true. True enough that I almost want to go back and change my previously recorded cm to dry, because holy.hell.there.is.so.much.
Unfortunately, I may not get to take advantage. DH is depressed right now, after his trip home. I predicted it. He's been unhappy at work and feeling blue about his earning ability, and his family always makes him feel worthless when it comes to his job (hey, at least he has one. We are doing just fine, thanks.) and this was no exception.
So he's been quite unhappy the past couple of days and I've been upset as well, because I can't simply make it better. I don't know that trying to conceive is the best idea when one of us is suffering from depression, though we both believe it to be largely situational, and he is working to correct the situation by widening his job hunt. TTC can be a pressure-cooker situation in itself, and if money is his concern, I don't see it disappearing when our little bankrupter implants in my uterus, kwim?
I asked him directly last night if he wanted to put ttc on hold for awhile until he was feeling better about things and he said absolutely not. I maybe should have pressed harder, but frankly, I was relieved. We've put this on hold for a long time, and putting it off again would make me resentful. Not that we wouldn't, if it were the best course of action, but I left the decision to him and he wants to go ahead. He agrees that our current financial situation is ok, and while he hates his job and wants out, he's already doing what he can, so putting it on hold will only make him feel worse.
So we went ahead with sex last night, and I'm really hoping to take advantage this evening as well. And not just for the fertility. I know I was really upset after our conversation, hurt because he was hurting so much, and coming back around to having sex made both of us feel reconnected and a lot better about the situation. Not surprising - studies have shown that people who have more sex are less depressed on average.
I'm still trying to convince DH to apply for other sorts of jobs and convince him that he doesn't have to find a long-term solution sort of job right now or go back to finish his degree if he doesn't want to do so. He just needs out of his current job. He can move elsewhere in our company and work there for a year or two while he sorts out what he really wants to do and takes steps in that direction. It doesn't have to be a permanent and forever move. I hope that hits home - he did seem slightly more cheerful after we talked about that - because it's true. He's young and still has plenty of time to move around and find a job that really gives him career potential, and while that probably won't be our company without a degree, at least a new job can give him some additional stimulation and new challenges while he sorts things through, you know?
Anyhow, I hope I am being helpful, supportive and kind to him as he struggles with things. He was to me for the time that I was in his current shoes - no interviews, no idea what to do, in a secure but dead-end job. It's an awful place to be, and depressing as hell. I want to make it all better and of course, I can't. So I'm doing what I can to help him find love and strength and let him know he's not on his own and that whatever he does or chooses, I continue to love and support him.