You know what?
I spent some time looking through and commenting on some old photos from high school and the theatre group (I know you are shocked to learn that a drama queen like me was a theatre chick!) (I am so annoyed that spell check is arguing with me over the spelling of theatre - RE, idiot spellcheck, not ER) - someone thoughtfully put up.
What a trip. It made me dig out the few photos I have laying around and go over them. I generally look at them with a lot of regret. I was a pretty girl with a great figure, only I thought I was a cow. I missed my friends and was sad I'd let things fade with one and was full of recrimination and guilt about the way another relationship ended. I knew that there was so much unhappiness there, but there was also a lot of carefree times - all my bills paid, a little pocket money and a bit of freedom . . . looking through those pics made me miss it all. Made me wish I could go back again.
But you know what? My life is pretty good now. Despite everything I'm dealing with/going through that makes me sad and unhappy and fearful - I am basically happy. I have a husband who loves me for who I am, as I am. I have a home that is sound, if ugly. I have a car that is paid off, if inconvenient. I have enough money to feed myself as I like and to do many of the things I wish and own many of the things I need and want. I have a job, that if not quite what I pictured and not quite what I want, is secure and challenging and apparently something I'm not terrible at doing. I have wonderful friends, a good family and a lot of love in my life.
I'm in touch with not just one, but several old friends again, and I've mended fences and shaken hands (so to speak) with that other friend. Years of sorrow, self-doubt and guilt - gone, and restored memories and happiness and a feeling of warmth and friendship reside there instead.
I may not have a lot of money. I do not have the body I had or one I much want right now. Life isn't easy or always fun - but by God, I am a wealthy woman in all the important ways. Health, happiness, love.
And I am humbled and grateful for these gifts.