Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mommy Wars

Let me begin by stating - I am fucking cranky as hell. Work is kicking my ass and I went to bed way, way too late last night and didn't sleep well, so . . . that may play a role here.

But I am so fucking sick and tired of self-righteous, judgmental, bitchy, arrogant 'I am a better mommy than you because' crap.

I know, ironic, coming from someone who is an admitted judgmental bitch. But I've worked hard over the last couple of years to remember that not everyone shares the same circumstances and that just because I might do a certain thing doesn't make it the right thing for everyone. I am sure that I still judge far more than I should, but I work at being open-minded and realizing that choice is a very individual thing.

That is so much more true when we are talking about parenting, because every child is different and everyone's circumstances are different.

This is something making me really cranky today for a variety of reasons. One, there is a new attachment parenting board on the bump. It makes me roll my eyes for a lot of reasons (many of the 'new board? when do we get the block function back?' variety), but an actual foray onto the board reminded me of why I don't care for AP types. Don't get me wrong, I like many attachment parenting principles, and most of my friends are AP type parents. But I have run into so many preachy, over the top extreme enthusiasts that it has totally turned me off AP forums/chat rooms. I mean, reading that people who let their kids CIO or do sleep training (at appropriate ages!)are child abusers is a bit too extreme for me. That isn't the majority, by far, of course, but like I said, turned off. On visiting the board itself, there was a lot of outcry about 'support' and 'no drama' and 'no snark' and that is never a board for me. Also, the posts I read came off as far more condescending than supportive, but that may simply be my perception.

There were other posts today as well - such as the woman who said with great superiority that drop side cribs (which we have and deliberately chose) were bad and that SHE chooses safety over convenience. Oh, that made my blood boil. I explained the facts of the recent recall (um, perspective anyone?) and pointed out that drop side cribs DO meet current federal safety standards. She had the gall to tell me that they were dangerous anyway. She can kiss my ass.

I don't give a fuck what kind of crib she uses - that is all about freedom of choice. But my crib is well manufactured and well regarded and meets safety standards. Do not talk to me like you are a better parent because you choose a different product.

God, it's annoying and it only gets worse. Breastfeeding, bottle feeding. Can't we just agree that NOT feeding is a problem, and that however you feed is fine (provided it's age appropriate)? Can we agree that co-sleeping works for some people but not everyone? FFS.

I hate the idea that your choice makes you a better parent. We ALL just try to make the best decisions for our kids and none of us are perfect. We will make mistakes and have issues and change our tactics and wish we had done things differently. The crib you choose doesn't make you a better parent. Choosing to wear your baby or not doesn't make you a better parent.

Love your kids, do your best, and let it be, you know?


Jessica Loves Trevor (JLT) said...

I totally agree. As long as the baby is taken care of, that is really all that matters. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and way of doing things. That's why there are so many options out there- there are no right answers when it comes to this stuff! It's about what's best for you and your baby. Don't let it get to you. :)

Nlvaden said...

:::golf claps:::

outofcntrl82 said...

Well said!!

SecretsofKristi said...

Amen!!! I have been waiting for someone to say this about that board. Every post I read makes me understand why there are so many needy, non-independant children around now.

Elaine said...

Thank you!! And I'm with you on the drop side crib. That's what we chose and I'm happy with our choice!

Lauren said...

Hi there, I've lurked here (got link from the bump) a time or two and thought I would say hi.

I totally agree with this post; well put. The condescending attitudes on there can be pretty thick. People need to chill out a little and accept that everyone is different; different strokes for different folks, right?