Saturday, May 9, 2009

5 weeks!

And I awoke today with a good feeling - how very different than how I began the sixth week of my pregnancy with Chickadee, which was in sheer terror that something was wrong. Well, I was not convinced all was well yesterday (interesting timing - same with Chickadee), but I had lots of symptoms all day to reassure me, including some lovely stretching cramps last night. I never had much cramping with Chickadee, and none like this.

Another milestone done, and it feels good. I am beginning to believe this might be a semi-permanent state, beginning to exhale, and considering a new breath. The fear is still there; the thought of scheduling the ultrasound (the scheduling should happen this week, the u/s itself, next week), is enough to reduce me to a cold sweat and hyperventilation. I am still very much afraid of going in and being told that once again, my body has betrayed us and our dreams are shattered.

But I still feel the little blossom of hope in my heart and still am blessed with a peace when I think on this little chicken. We've been together for a couple of weeks now, and seem to be doing ok.

In other symptoms news, the Violent Vomiting (as it has become capitalized in my thoughts) has ceased over the last two days, to my uneasiness. I know it doesn't guarantee anything, but I'm happier to have the symptom. Fortunately, some lighter nausea made an overnight appearance and joined me this morning, so I'm feeling better about that for the moment. Other than that my boobs are happier unharnessed, but not any less sensitive, full, or achey for their freedom today. My skin, which I had taken secret pleasure in keeping acne free, has gone rogue and is distressingly oily, despite my best attempts to keep it otherwise. I've little doubt that embarrassing teenager like acne is soon to follow. Fatigue is making itself known, and I find myself displeased with how early I tire now. All part of the territory, of course, and of course, I am grateful for the symptoms, but it leaves me with less time to do things I like, and I'd forgotten how severe and crippling it could be.

So, we will celebrate another week down and I will do my best to be positive and a good incubator for the little chickie until we can see what is happening in there for ourselves.

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