Monday, May 11, 2009

Feeling freaked out.

Most of the weekend and today were good. I was feeling optimistic and hopeful and good.

Then I went to get my blood drawn for the third beta.

And my mw said something that caught me very off guard. She was surprised that I had symptoms and said that she felt my levels were too low and wanted me to consider seeing someone else if this came back low.

Only . . . I don't think they are low, and while they are lower than some I've seen, the doubling rate or rise is the important thing. And that was gorgeous - spot on - above average.

She said that I know more about this than she does, so if I felt good, that was probably ok.

But naturally, since then, I've started to worry more and more. The research hasn't changed, but now I'm freaked out about my levels, whereas I really thought going in that it was a mere formality. Now I'm concerned about where it is. Despite the symptoms I've having (which I'm now also freaking out over - are my boobs as sore as they were yesterday, is the nausea as bad . . .), I'm now concerned that they will be too low. And that that will mean there is another problem.

And beyond that, I thought I saw some spotting. So I checked internally, and my cervix felt a little open. So now I'm extra concerned. Even though I shouldn't worry about it, because I've nto been checking it and whatever else.

I'm so unhappy right now.

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