Friday, October 31, 2008

Goodbye, Chickadee.

My darling loved little baby:

We found out today that you are not going to be with us much longer. It looks like you stopped developing some time ago and that my body is now figuring it out.

There were so many things I wanted to do with you, to teach you and show you. There were so many things I wanted you to experience, that you never will.

I know logically that this is not because of anything I did or didn't do, that you just stopped growing. I keep going over everything I did, everything I ate, everything I drank, wondering if I could have done something differently.

Dearest Chickadee, I hope that somewhere you exist and you know that you were so wanted and so loved. I hope that during the short time you were with me that you felt those things and that your precious soul is somewhere out there, and is at peace.

I wish I knew why. I wish I could make things different. I wish you could be here with me now. Your daddy and I loved you so much, and we are so broken hearted right now.

I keep staring at this, not wanting to end this last letter, not wanting to let you go, to somehow make it not real. I ache for you already. Part of me has known for a long time that you were gone, and I'm sorry I didn't do more to enjoy the time we had together.

I love you, my poor, sweet baby, and I always will.

With so much love, sadness, heartache -

Your Mama and Daddy.

3 comments:

Cate said...

My heart breaks for you Eas. Please take care of yourself. I tried not to cry and it all ended up coming out as one big nasty, snotty cry one day. Let yourself grieve. We are all here for you.

**big hugs**

Erin said...

This breaks my heart. I'm so sorry again. :(

Erin (ENev)

Blair said...

I'm so heartbroken for you. Many thoughts & prayers.