Monday, January 26, 2009

The Verdict and the Flaming Asshole OB

There was something (fluid filled cyst) in/on my cervix. That cyst was presumably the pregnancy, though he could not be 100% sure, he felt pretty certain given the position and size of the cyst that it was the pregnancy.

They could not tell whether it was passing through - a uterine pregnancy finally miscarrying, as my cramps and new spotting would suggest, or if it was a cervical ectopic pregnancy. The fact that they picked up Nabothian cysts (plural) at the last u/s and then this cyst where it is makes the OB think it was indeed an ectopic.

The options were d&c, which he didn't recommend and I immediately said no to; methotrexate; or wait and see if it passed or not. He also said there was a possibility that the fluid filled cyst was not the pregnancy, and they simply couldn't see it. He told me that if it were a cervical ectopic, then the risk for hemorrhage was much higher - either in a d&c (hence why he did not recommend it) or if the ectopic pregnancy were to try to miscarry. Which is why he recommended the methotrexate as the safest option. It would stop the growth on the cervix if it was an ectopic, and should it just be a cyst and a tubal pregnancy they couldn't see existed, it would also take care of that. So, that is what I did. One shot in each arm; I will be monitored until hcg is at 0 and I can start ttc after a full cycle.

That was all fine.

The raging, flaming, infuriating part came next. He indeed wanted to talk to me about my weight. In addition to telling me it was irresponsible to be trying to conceive at my weight and that I was extremely high-risk (which isn't true, as my blood pressure is normal and my glucose is normal and my thyroid is normal), and that I would die of heart attack or stroke in the next 20 years (my cholesterol is also normal), he told me I needed to put off ttc for a year and lose 100 pounds.

But oh, no, he's not done. And that part I expected, though not with such dramatic flair (I can't quite capture the disgust in his voice at the gall I show in ttc and just how high-risk I am, even though I'm basically healthy).

Additionally, I am currently consuming 3000-4000 calories a day just to maintain my current weight (no, I'm not) and that if I just eat like a normal person I will lose 2 pounds a week. Oh, and also - the best part - I need to eat smaller portions. This man, who knows nothing about my eating habits, having met me 20 minutes before and asked only if I eat junk food, sweets and consume sugary drinks, tells me the thing is my stomach is so stretched out from all the ginormous portions I eat that it will take awhile before I know I'm full. So I also need to slow down my eating, because it takes about 15 minutes for the stomach to signal that it's full, and I'm on my third or fourth cheeseburger by then, thinking I'm still hungry. I was gripping the table so hard my knuckles turned white, because otherwise I would have punched him. I start getting shaky and teary thinking about it. That is the rudest someone has ever been to me in my life and I'm furious about how he spoke to me.

So that's the update.

I feel ok - crampy and bleedy, which sucks, but I'm ok. The one month off ttc sucks, but hey, maybe I can lose some of the weight that so disgusts this OB. I told the midwife about the appointment and relayed what he said, and she was pretty upset. I don't mean to start anything, but it was utterly inappropriate. It's one thing to nicely point out the risks of pregnany (and health) at my weight, it's actually his job. But to be a raging dick about it (in every paternalistic, chauvenistic sense of the word) was actually infuriating.

But I'm still glad to have (some) answer and for it to be drawing to a close.


Anonymous said...

Oh. My. God.
What's his number- I'll go punch him in the gonads for you and all of us ttc fat girls out there.

On your third or fourth cheeseburger? I am livid for you!

Chatham said...

Holy Hell. Were you not already having a hard enough day?! Did he really need to do that to you? I am so sorry hun, some people just suck at life.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry. His comments were uncalled for. So many ignorant idiots out there. And I am sad that one of them is a doctor.

Anne said...

Wow what an A$$hole..I am so sorry.

Serendipite said...

What a DOUCHE. And I am sorry you had to go through that. Time to find a new OB. ((HUGS))

Danse said...

I have no words for that. He should lose his license.

Jennifer said...

He is a raging, putrid, nutsack. I don't know how you held it together, sister. I would have been far less genteel about it than you. How does one go about complaining about an independant physician? He certainly needs to be written up.

Meg 'n' Eric said...

Regardless of how the doctor felt about your health and weight, what an incredibly inappropriate time to step up on his soapbox. What he said was so unbelievable, I can't belive you were able to sit there and listen to him. I'm glad you said something to your midwife. Hopefully she mentions to him that her patients aren't looking for unsolicited health advice when they are going through a pregnancy loss. I'm so, so sorry.

Cate said...

Oh. My. God. Eas, I am so sorry. Is there a board of directors or anyone you can report this to? This is totally 100% unacceptable.

I think you are beautiful.

jess said...

I am mortified by this. I've had doctors tell me pretty rude things before, but nothing that even compares. Some doctors need to realize that the "MD" at the end of their name does NOT give them a free pass to verbally assault people. I am outraged by the insensitivity shown by someone whose profession is supposedly to "heal" people.

Allison said...

WOW!!! I don't know how you didn't punch that guy!!!


OMG! I can't believe that! I am really sorry that he was so rude. That was really uncalled for! Can you maybe get a new OB? Mine has never said anything about my weight and I got a good 40-50 lbs over. He has just told me when we do get KU, that I can't gain too much weight, 20lbs tops. Big girls get pregnant all the time... It just means we have more room for the baby. :)
Big hugs to you girl.

xxxx Mrsmacias2008