Tuesday, June 16, 2009

More spotting.

Still not a lot, but now it's pink. There was some definite spotting last night that was peach.

So, it's not going away, and it's getting darker/closer to red.


Combined with the cramps (which seemed to have lessened since yesterday afternoon), this has me officially on the border of losing my shit.

I cannot think of any good reason to have spotting at this point in time. Maybe there is a perfectly legitimate reason. But this is how things started the end of things with Chickadee. So. . . sort of freaking out. Hard to stay calm and think everything is ok.

I'm going to call the mw this morning. I don't know what she'll suggest or want to do or not do. I know what I would prefer (an u/s), but I also am so scared to go in and not see anything. It's such a frustrating place to be right now.

Last night, I dreamt that I was having a miscarriage for 2 hours. Nonstop loops of cramping and bleeding. I finally got up and went to the bathroom, expecting lots of blood that wasn't there. I eventually accepted some water and Tylenol pm and slept well. Woke up feeling restored and optimistic until I saw the spotting. Felt depressed and again felt the crush of inevitability. And yet, felt more optimistic again when I got to work. Now, I'm just . . . here. Waiting.

* * * * *

ETA: And now, there seems to be no spotting. Not even lightly tinged CM, that I can tell based on my last 2 trips to the bathroom. I did call, sounded like a blathering moron, and we'll see what she suggests. Annoying. I want it to be gone, so that's good, but I don't like the feeling it gives me that I may be crazy.

* * * * *

Further update. As of this afternoon, still no real spotting. CM may be a little tannish, but not overtly so. Cramping has been mild and nowhere near as crampy as the last couple of days. I haven't heard back from the mw, though I expect to tonight or tomorrow morning. I intend to take it easy and keep my feet up and rest. I hope everything is well in there. I feel a bit more hopeful, but it battles constantly with fear.


Tena said...


Echloe said...

Hoping the spotting is gone for good. That is really scary stuff. Hang in there.

notsosmallfries said...

Hugs. Glad the spotting seems to be subsiding but I hope you get some peace of mind.