At least, in my humble opinion.
Nevertheless, The Powers That Be seem to have decided keeping me on my toes is a good way to train me for parenthood. Perhaps that's all it is. Maybe it's the universe's sick way of reassuring me. It possibly is just revenge for something I did in a previous existence.
All I know is that I frankly could do without upsetting the apple cart every fucking time I seem to have all the apples stacked in place.
So. What is this all about? Right. Let me preface again -- it seems Chickie is just fine, and the u/s I had 2 hours ago showed him/her jumping and kicking around most reassuredly.
This afternoon, I was standing in my coworker A's doorway, chatting with her and my boss. When I feel a small gush of fluid. I don't pay it much heed, because that happens sometimes. Then I feel more. And more. And it feels exactly like when you bleed through your tampon or are on your period without a pad. And I knew, I knew, that I was going to see blood. I calmly excused myself, grabbed my keys and walked to the bathroom. I locked myself in a stall, and pulled down my pants to find my underwear completely soaked through to nearly dripping with red blood. If I'd had a pad on, I believe it would have been filled.
I sit down and can feel and hear it dripping into the toilet. That stops relatively quickly, thankfully, but there is a huge mess. I start to clean up as much as I can when my nether regions are covered with blood, and find a few small clots, but nothing of really great concern. I wait until it seems like there is no more active bleeding, take off my soaked underwear and return to work, where I shut myself in the office and start shaking. I call my mw first. No answer. Call her cell, no answer, so I leave a message and take a few deep breaths. Then I call DH and tell him we have a problem. He says eventually he's coming over. I decide that I want to get home, to clean up, put my feet up and try to hear a heartbeat. I thrust some papers at my coworker, tell her briefly what's going on and try not to lose my shit completely. I stop and tell my boss I'm going home and why. I tell them I'll update when I hear something from my mw.
DH shows up and we leave. The walk to the car seems to take forever. I'm not in pain, I'm not really cramping, but I'm very aware of my uterus and fear that the cramping will start any minute now. I call my mom and fill her in. We get in the car and my mw calls me back. After reiterating that there is not much we can do, and that I should try to continue staying calm, she says there is an u/s tech she would like me to see, but she's not sure she takes my insurance. I SO do not care at this point. MW texts me her number, DH calls her while I'm driving home and the angel says she can fit us in this evening, if we don't mind driving to her home.
We get home, I get cleaned up, and the next thing we do is obviously pull out the doppler. The Chickie was cooperative, Dh found the h/b pounding away loud and clear and in normal ranges (166-172). Thank God. I relax for a wee bit, but am still tense, and I am achey. I'm scared, frankly, but trying hard to keep it together.
Eventually we go see the u/s lady, who was totally and utterly amazing and kind. The rest of the story can be shortened to this. Chickie popped up right away, kicking and jumping around, with a clear strong h/b and no gross abnormalities. There was absolutely no signs of bleeding anywhere. No pooled blood, no blood in the cervix, no tears in the placenta, no separation that she could see, no sub-chorionic hematoma, nada, zip, zilch. Which is great in that there appears to be no threat to Chickie and sucky in the sense that this is the second time this has happened and there is no clear reason for it, and I'd sort of like more of a reason for 15 minutes of a whole lot of bright red blood out of nowhere than 'sometimes that happens.'
In the end, it seems things are ok and I am under orders to rest, call my mw tomorrow to let her know how I'm feeling, rest, drink lots of fluids, don't worry and don't lift anything heavier than a fork.
So great. But also, what the everloving fuck? Could this sort of crap be done now? Glad Chickie seems healthy (definitely looking forward to the u/s on Thursday for further confirmation on a higher resolution u/s), but seriously, I'm trying hard here, so I'd appreciate it if the universe could meet me halfway in my efforts and cease and desist with the scaring the everloving fuck out of me.