Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Who is the shrieky woman and where is my poo?

First, here is what I ate today: Golden Grahams and milk for breakfast. Vitamins with 4 oz of cranberry-grape juice. Grande non-fat hot chocolate. Serving of Easy Mac. Three handfuls of Gardetto's mix.

I'm telling you that to set the stage. All together . . . it's really not a lot, you know? I don't have any appetite this week. I truly cannot think of a single thing I really want to eat. Just lots of stuff I don't want to eat.

But I started feeling really nauseated by about 5:00. And by 5:45 when we finally left . . . I was feeling weird. Shaky, very nauseated, near vomiting and utterly convinced I needed food as quickly as possible. I realized that the above was not enough, especially since there was zero protein in that combo. The nearby options were very limited, and McDonald's had stayed down well, so there we went. The drive through was at least 10 cars long, so DH hopped out and went inside. I requested small fries to share and two plain cheeseburgers.

What seemed like hours later - all the cars and more had perversely been through the drive through and gone - DH comes back. Peeks in the bag and said, "Huh. Looks like they gave you double cheeseburgers. Oh, and no fries. Crap."

I feel really awful at this point and am starting to shake. But double cheeseburgers . . . that is pushing it, both on the grease, fat and gross level and on the inundated with calories level. I feel a little neurotic as I ask with a desparate edge to my voice, "How the hell can you fucking screw up fucking cheeseburgers? CHEESEBURGERS? Fucking plain cheeseburgers? And no fries? What the everloving fuck?"

Dh looks a little wary and says he can go back in if I want, but it looks like they didn't charge him for the fries. Do I want the fries? I feel tears in my eyes, and I feel really bloody awful and I say, "I don't know, I don't know" (have I ever mentioned that when it comes to decision making when I feel bad or upset, I'm fucking useless? I totally am). Dh is now giving me a side eye and shrinking as far into the corner of his seat as he can when he asks what I would like for him to do about this situation.

Suddenly, bile rising, hands shaking, I turn and SHRIEK - and I mean shriek like a crazy cat lady with strange kids on her lawn - "I DON'T FUCKING CARE WHAT THE FUCK YOU DO BUT GIVE ME SOME GODDAMNED FOOD THIS INSTANT." Wide-eyed, DH hands me double cheeseburger, muttering under his breath something about crazy bitch and hormones. He's forgiven though, because I just shrieked at him over fucking McDonald's fries and cheeseburgers.

I shoved that damn cheeseburger down my throat in about a minute and instantly felt better. Dh did go get fries, and I ate a few bites out of the other burger, and DH finished it. I felt vomity for awhile, but now ok.

However, it did occur to me that I cannot recall the last time I pooped. I started having some uncomfortable cramps on the left side near my ute (but too high) and recognized that as likely to be constipation related. God knows greens, vegetables, fruits and fibers sure have not been part of my diet in the last six weeks. I try to get all of these as I can, but really . . . no. Do drink lots of water, but I suspect, with my reduced fruit and vegetable intake, it's likely only just keeping my hydrated and isn't enough to really help the constipation issue.

So I am sitting here drinking Kals' Shit Cocktail which works for me more often than not - has only failed me once - and hoping it helps. I imagine that my intestines look like they are covered in tar and there isn't enough to really bind the poop together and work it on it's way. No seriously, I've been pondering that as an actual pictorial image in my head for about 10 minutes now, as I sip the sour lemony goodness that I pray brings me relief. Raisins are next up on the list, I suppose. Maybe some applesauce, which doesn't sound as bad as it might on a normal day. Baring that, tomorrow I'll pick up som Colace.

So there you have it, pregnancy continuing to wreak havoc on me and change my personality in ways that frighten my husband.


Jen Wargo said...

I have had the same McDonalds freak out and I am still waiting on my poo too, I empathize with you!

shannon said...

How is a double cheeseburger so much worse than two cheeseburgers? Same amount of grease and less carbs and calories.

I dont get it.

CottonSocks said...

I knew I would eat one cheeseburger. The second cheeseburger was optional. A double cheeseburger left no room for options. Although I'm not claiming I was totally rational at the time.

Blair said...


I may have lost my shit in McDonald's yesterday when the ice cream machine broke.

But I won't confirm that without witnesses.