BFN #1 is out of the way.
I confess that I had a laugh when I realized I was glaring at the little piece of plastic. But you have to admit that on the whole this year, they have not been particularly helpful to me - giving me positives when I wanted negatives and now negatives when I think I want a positive.
It's still early - 9 dpo - but I feel tense about the situation. The earliest bfp I've ever gotten was a very faint line on a FRER at 10 dpo. So this isn't unusual. But I alternatively feel like if I don't see a + by 10 dpo, nothing good will happen. It's a sticky situation.
Sore boobs, gassiness, a bloated/stretchy feeling, some nausea, more sudden need to pee.
Is any of that really pregnancy related? Eh, probably not. I usually have sore boobs now, and the rest is possibly explainable. We'll see though. Provided I don't keel over from anxiety and anticipation and fear.
ETA - that weird bloatey/stretchy/heavy feeling in my abdomen? It's bothering me. It almost feels twingey like cramps, but it doesn't feel like cramps. Like sort of cramps - or like cramps should be starting. It's annoying. Makes me wonder if my lp was adversely affected by all the crazy of the last few cycles. I'll be seriously annoyed, but I almost feel like I should carry the diva cup around for a bit just in case, though my lp is almost always exactly 12 days with spotting beginning on 12 dpo and becoming red flow on 13 dpo. Gah, this evening I feel fidgety and anxious and this is NOT HELPING.