Thursday, November 6, 2008



Why are you doing this to me? I get that I'm not perfect. I get that we've had our problems, and I get that I should do a lot more than I do to be a better person and to help people around me.

But why? WHY is this happening to me?

Today wasn't bad enough? What I went through on Tuesday wasn't enough for you? No, apparently not. Because now I'm cramping as badly as I was then and it fucking hurts. It fucking hurts really, really badly and I've already taken pain killers. I know I passed at least four separate clumps of tissue large enough to make noise hitting the toilet bowl on Tuesday. I felt them all slip through me. I saw the gray blob that was most likely fetal tissue.

So why is this happening again? Why am I feeling a gush of blood and passing giant clumps of tissue or clots? That thing was nearly the size of my palm. And I'm still bleeding and cramping.

What the fuck? When is this going to be enough for you? I'm pretty much at my fucking limit right now. I already told you how badly I feel for questioning things and how badly I feel about the jealousy and the bitterness and I've tried as hard as I can to be positive and find hope and redirect my thoughts when I feel so angry, and that's just not enough is it? Is this some sort of punishment? Oh my god, this hurts so much.

Is this hell ever going to end?

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