Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Today was a better day!

Can't say good - after all, I am flipping exhausted and I don't feel like I got nearly enough done, but holy hell was I productive today.

That is a good feeling.

I am definitely fertile. So bizarre. We're taking advantage of all the eggwhite fluid, but my temps are so erratic I don't think FF will recognize ovulation if it happens, but we're giving it a go. I find that in the midst of ttc, I am still nervous and frightened, but it's definitely taken a back seat. And the urgency that was there before isn't there anymore. It'll happen when it happens and it is out of my hands. Now, I don't expect that very reasonable line of thinking will always be with me, but it is today, so cheers!

I think the funk of the past few days has been somewhat tied to these increasing signs of fertility. I've been known to get depressed and testy around ovulation and my period. May not be related, but may be after all. One benefit of charting, no?

And, the moment you've all been waiting for - I did get the tattoo done. It took forever. They were oddly busy. The guy who did my other tattoos is no longer there, but this guy was terrific and did a good job. I will post a pic when it's healed up. It's already stopped stinging, which is nice. It hurt to get done - more than the other did, but it's small so I'm not surprised it's already stopped stinging.

It looks exactly like the chickie marker on thebump tickers. Only bigger - a little larger than the size of a nickel. It's about 2-3 inches down from my palm - or about three fingers from my palm to the top of the chickie, on the left side.

Getting it done was the right decision. I sat there waiting and spent a lot of time thinking about Chickadee. Friday will be 4 weeks since we learned Chickadee was gone, and it's amazing how differently I feel 4 weeks later. I know now I will always miss Chickadee, and that that is ok. I will always wonder about him/her - what they would have been like, looked like, done with their lives. But I do feel now that Chickadee will always be with me - tattoo or no. A part of me will always long for my baby, but I do have some peace now.

Also helping my mood some - sex baby. Getting laid has done wonders for my self-esteem and for my connection with DH. We are definitely enjoying that part of ttc again. Speaking of . . . there is a Spurs game on now - and half time should be coming up . . . I think I have plans. ; )

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