Friday, April 24, 2009

"Just relax!" (and teensy update)

Oh, those infamous words.

Oh, those awful, blind rage inducing words.

It's something said to women ttc all the time. Just relax - it can take some time. Just relax - it can be a long ride if you're this worked up. Just relax - we didn't do anything special for any of my pregnancies. Just relax - it'll happen when it's mean to happen. Just relax - all this tension can't be good for you. Just relax - you'll stress yourself out and stress can delay ovulation you know.

Well, sometimes that is true, but UGH. UGH. How hideous to be told that. I hated it at cycle 2. I hated it after the miscarriage. I hate much more now that I spend time with women facing IF. I'm not necesarrily there yet myself, but I hover on the edge.

What an awful and stupid thing to say to someone having trouble getting (or staying) pregnant. Usually, relaxation isn't the issue. Low sperm count, late ovulation, PCOS, bad cm, genetic issues, structural issues are the issues in many cases. All the relaxation in the world won't help if my eggs are bad. And nothing jacks up my stress a notch like being told to be calm and relaxed about something.

And yet - I just got to hear that the other day. I think it was among the first times I've heard it. The comment was well-intentioned, and may have been the only things stopping me from flipping out. As it was, it was bad enough, having begun "Well, none of my four pregnancies were planned . . ." - talk about a knife in the heart. If none of them were planned, than how can you begin to have any idea about how much this hurts me? Month after month of no-go (and granted, I'm still on the short side of long-term on that front) and two pregnancy losses of planned pregnancies. Not that any pregnancy loss is worse than another - of course not! - but the knife just twisted with that. I had to stop and take a few deep breaths before I could smile and gently say "Thanks, but yeah - I don't think relaxing is going to help in my situation. Like I said, I'm just feeling down today."

I still had visions of throttling her.

Because really? Apart from my own insanity and lack of an off switch for the worry button, how exactly does one relax when one is facing their life's dream and learns he/she may not be able to get there after all, and with no explanation as to why, when it happens so easily and accidentally for so many other people?

I realize a lot of the pressure I feel is self-inflicted. I do what I can to minimize it and some days are more successful than others. Relaxation only sets my mind whirring faster - active meditation can help, but I don't do that as often as I should (like exercise).

Although, I must say, I've been flagrantly abusing the notion to get dh to do stuff for me. Like - "Can I have a drink please?"
"Can't you get it yourself?"
"I could. But I'm supposed to be RELAXING. Remember? That's how you get pregnant."
"Hmmm. So we really DIDN'T need to have all that sex then?"

Touche, DH. Touche.

(I did get the drink. Because my husband is really nice like that.)

* * * * *

eta -

Temp was 97.6. I was a little disappointed it was not higher (though it's too early to show anything like a triphasic chart), but I was relieved it hadn't dropped (as it has in other cycles around this point). Then I looked at my chart overlay and I am dead on for where it was with Chickadee - in fact the last two temps have been the same. I had a tri-phasic chart that started on 8 dpo with Chickadee, so maybe we'll see it again. . .

Nausea is not as bad as the past 2 days, but it is there. What else? Mmmmm, not much, really. Sore boobs (very sore, actually, I feel a bit disgruntled by that) and odd cervix - it's hanging at medium position and medium to soft texture. Hmmmmmmm.

Why yes, it is a lovely fishing pole, isn't it? And I've brought good bait too!

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