Tuesday, December 9, 2008

*kicks chart*

Stupid chart.

(stupid body really, I guess)

97.1 this morning. Possibly high enough for dotted cross hairs if I get over 97.2 tomorrow, maybe even solid cross hairs if I have a higher rise.

But that would require that I ovulated and there doesn't seem to be enough supporting evidence of that. SO frustrating. I know things are wacky after a miscarriage. I know I've had anovulatory cycles before, even with tons of fertile cm and ovulatory pain (and subsequently had a follicular cyst on my left ovary for the next two cycles). But it seemed like everything was right on, and now the temps and cervical position aren't backing it up.

I really feel let down and bummed out.

It doesn't help that I asked DH yesterday what his prediction was, secretly expecting to be bouyed by a positive rah-rah speech. Instead, he cocked his head to the side, looked thoughtful, pursed his lips and ultimately shook his head. He said, "I'm not sure you've ovulated, and I don't think this is the cycle."

It's not as if his guess at (possibly) 1 dpo means anything, but it really sort of crushed my hope for this cycle. Lame, isn't it? And now the temps are stomping gleefully up and down over whatever small hope was left.

I just want to be pregnant again. I'm even moving past the point of fearing pregnancy again. I feel so disappointed that I may not have ovulated and all the sex wasn't for anything other than sex. And I feel so disappointed that I'm still not out of this cycle. I really wanted to be pregnant for the holidays . . . and I'm not at this point, and may not be.

It makes me sad.

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